where i've been

Hello! It's been a long time.

I do this a lot - start a blog, think hey! this will be good! I've always wanted to do this! and then I'll forget and just let it sit. Usually I'll feel guilty about it too.

Last time we spoke, I was ending January and working on keeping up with my resolutions. I had just been laid off from a job I'd loved, let go of a friend that was hurting me and was beginning to the new semester at school. I was a couple weeks off from admitting (both to myself and the Internet) that maybe becoming a teacher wasn't the right fit for me. I was beginning a textile design class that would change my life. I didn't know that less than a month later, I would feel the lowest I had felt in years.

"at least i survived." march 10 2015. 

On the other side of the first third of the year, I feel really good. I'm in a more honest place. With the warmer weather, I've started to ride my bike again. I live near a local bike path that has become one of my favorite places in the last year (particularly in the last month). I've been taking my rides in the early morning, just before 11. It's right before the bike path becomes saturated with the weekend traffic of families and kids. The air has that crisp, dewy quality that only spring mornings have.
I'm taking the time to put myself in front of nature as often as possible.

Hidden off that path is a beach that makes me feel closer to nature than I've ever really felt before. I'm trying to get out there as often as possible.

"i want to breathe in the air of all those sprawling account space on earth." April 5 2015.

These rides have often been accompanied by listening to the music that bolsters me. Metric's Live It Out, the Paramore self-titled album. I know I've been sad, I know I've been struggling. The songs know it too. But they know (and maybe they help me believe) I will be happy again.

I feel closer to my own truth that I ever really have. For a long time I have felt listless - creative and desperate to create, but unsure and lacking the confidence. Picking up embroidery last December was the first step, taking a class with a professor whose art I adore and who is kind enough to encourage my growth as an artist was the crucial one.

I'm certainly nowhere past the novice stage in my stitching (or fabric dying, or sketching, or color understanding) but I'm getting there. I'll stitch myself back together.

april 2015.